The Compassion Code- How to Remain Kind in an Unkind World

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“If you don’t love yourself, you cannot love others. You will not be able to love others. If you have no compassion for yourself then you are not able of developing compassion for others”- Dalai Lama

Remember that time you told yourself to be patient the next time your girlfriend said something stupid, only to lash out hours later when your girlfriend said something stupid?

Or, remember that time you reminded yourself to talk to your staff with grace, only to act like a mad dictator when you found out that they make an insignificant presentation error?

All these are strong signs that you don’t understand how compassion actually works…

The Dalai Lama once said that you can’t love others well until you can love yourself well; and you can’t give other compassion until you can develop compassion for yourself.

Hence, the key to become a more compassionate person is to be more compassionate to yourself…

In essence, being compassionate to yourself is the act of treating yourself with kindness, respect and unconditional love; even when you fail and don’t deserve it. Modern research have confirmed that practicing self compassion will make you a more compassionate person.

So how then can we practice self compassion? Well, according to Self Compassion expert, Kristin Neff, there are three components of self compassion:

Self Kindness: That means treating yourself with unconditional love and respect. Basically you want to stop the constant self judgement that goes through your head and start treating your failures with empathy.

Yes, learning from our mistakes are important, but we shouldn’t beat ourselves over it. You are an imperfect human who are prone to make mistakes and that’s okay. The best thing you can do is to shake hands with the experience and learn the lessons well.

Understand Common Humanity: That means accepting that all human beings are fallible creatures. That means to realize that wrong choices and feelings of regret is a common human experience. Nobody is perfect, so stop beating yourself for not being one.

Mindfulness: That means recognizing an emotion as it arises and understanding its implication on you. Try to see a situation as it is. When you realize that, yes, the situation sucks and it has hurt you in some way, the best thing you can do is to admit that it hurts and give yourself some self compassion

Hence if there is such a thing called compassion code it will be something like this:

Self Kindness + Common Humanity + Mindfulness= Self Compassion

(Self Compassion)² = Compassion to others

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Magnus lives in Semarang, Indonesia. He is currently managing the family's business together with his dad and his elder brother. Magnus enjoys reading and recently he started writing his personal reflections.

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